I am a *gulp* little

There are two different mes. There is the adult Bite and the little Bite.  I don’t really understand it, so there is no possible way that I can efficiently articulate it to you. I have two different personalities. No, I am not Sybil. I don’t hear voices and I don’t hear voices telling me to do things nor is the personality protecting me from something from my past. I just become the child me. I color, I watch cartoons, play with my stuffed animals, or Daddy simply holds me.
When I attended Frolicon last year, I was amazed and horrified with those who identified themselves as a little. Fully grown adults who were dressing, acting and behaving as children. I watched their interactions with their Big (the adult who protects them) as if I were watching a train wreck. I couldn’t understand it. I couldn’t process why someone would do it, why someone would identify themselves in such a way. Sure, I have been in Daddy/daughter sexual relationships in the past. Hell, I’ve been sleeping with someone for the last 13 years who is actually old enough to be my Daddy. Ageplay can be hot…I get that. But, what I didn’t understand was the depth that these people seemed to take the role-playing.

A few months after Frolicon, I met someone online who soon became my Daddy. He provided structure and guidance I needed. He helped to keep me focused and to help me make me better. He got to see a side of me that I hadn’t seen in myself before. When that relationship ended, I just kind of assumed that the Daddy/daughter part of my life was over………

then I met the Giant.

I told him before we first met that sometimes I like to color. He didn’t seem even the least bit fazed. The second I laid eyes on him I thought he’s Daddy (ok that’s a lie, my first thought was holy shit he’s hot….then I thought he’s Daddy). When we setup our first date he specifically told me to bring my crayons and coloring books if I needed them to feel comfortable. After he gave me aftercare i grabbed my coloring book and crayons and began to color while laying on the floor. It felt right, it felt natural. I caught a glimpse of him watching me with a protective glaze. My cold black heart melted a bit.

As I spent more and more time with him, I noticed a switch in my personality. I noticed that I started acting like a child. It isn’t by choice. A switch in my head flips and I begin to talk a little differently, suck my thumb, and take on different mannerisms and such. I don’t think what I am going to do, it is completely natural. I remember once, he was holding me on the couch in his arms and I started sucking my thumb. I didn’t do this when I was a child, but now, when I am her, the thumb sucking helps to calm and settle me when I get nervous. I don’t do it on purpose, it just happens

He is my Dom, my lover and my Daddy. All three relationships are rolled into one. Seperate parts of him come out at diffent times, just like they come out for me.

This Daddy/baby girl relationship is new to me. I am trying to figure out my little. His other sub pointed out to me that although I don’t fully understand how electricity works, but I accept it.  While this is very true, I also know that I need to uderstand this side of me. My little gets jealous and is afraid of losing Daddy. She is insecure and can be afraid and confused. She will look for clues from those around her, but she may not know how to react to them. I will figure this out, I have to. The Giant will help me.

14 comments on “I am a *gulp* little

  1. Mirai says:

    We’ve been exploring this. AP understands that I see him as a protector, and he’s okay with that. We’re just not comfortable with me calling him Daddy. Trying to find something else. Papi? I dunno. I’m glad you’ve found what you need and I’m sure the Giant will help you find/understand the rest!

    PM

    • Giant is definitely my protector. I think the name can be whatever you want it to be. The meaning behind it is what counts

    • Madalena says:

      wow. It’s almsot scary how much I can relate to this… It doesn’t make sense, but sometimes I find myself acting very childish around my guy – playing with stuffed animals, getting distracted by toys, and silly things like that. It’s kind of odd feeling like I need to keep pushing to assert myself as an adult in the “real” world, but then wanting to play and be a little kid when I feel safe.

  2. NecroKitten says:

    I actually love this post. I don’t really know what to say other than i’m sure things will become more clear as time goes on. I’m very childlike by myself most of the time, I like coloring, I watch cartoons constantly and the way I talk and react to things is very childlike. I’ve called my Master daddy a few times and in a sense it makes sense. He takes care of me and protects me. If I think further on it, it makes me feel safe and makes me feel like, in part, i’m getting something now that I never had before. In a sense.

    …My comment makes no real sense. >_< I like your blog. That's what I wanted to say. Haha

  3. Elia St Anne says:

    wow. It’s almost scary how much I can relate to this… It doesn’t make sense, but sometimes I find myself acting very childish around my guy – playing with stuffed animals, getting distracted by toys, and silly things like that. It’s kind of odd feeling like I need to keep pushing to assert myself as an adult in the “real” world, but then wanting to play and be a little kid when I feel safe.

    • I am relieved that other people can relate to me! When I am my little, I feel that Daddy keeps me so incredibly safe. The rest of the world is irrelevant to me at that point. Thanks so much for reading ;)

      • Ghazi says:

        I am reeveild that other people can relate to me! When I am my little, I feel that Daddy keeps me so incredibly safe. The rest of the world is irrelevant to me at that point. Thanks so much for reading

      • Thanks for the comment. Learing to understand my little isn’t easy…but my Daddy is a wonderful wonderful man and I am a very lucky baby girl

  4. The Sin Doll says:

    That’s a really comforting post. I’ve been slowing coming into my own ‘little’. She isn’t quite that little, (teen-ish,) but still… I’ll color too. I can feel some of what you’re talking about. You slip in. You slip out. Lovely post.

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